stupid me

so i'm really frustrated & annoyed at myself. i pride myself (probly a little too much) in being observant and really keeping on top of things. and then i go and do something and miss the most obvious detail. i feel like i keep doing this at work and i'm really getting frustrated. i know i'm new to this profession and i know i'm still learning, but i wish that i wasn't so oblivious sometimes. and it's the stupidest things, like taking a complete phone message and getting details or calculating age (that one i can't really beat myself up over though, when it comes to math, i'm a total ditz). and things like this only make me more hesitant, more scared to keep moving forward and i hate that. i hate that i still get nervous in front of "adults". i hate that i still feel like a kid sometimes, bc it's not the good parts of being a kid that i'm experiencing. it's the unsure, vulnerable, afraid i just majorly screwed something up kinda thing. i guess we never really outgrow that, but it doesn't make that any less frustrating. the thing i hate most is that i have a hard time of letting go of my mistakes. i keep going over them in my head, again and again. until it's too painfully frustrating. and then i just purge my memory. in a way, it's good, bc when i keep going over the mistakes i can figure out where i went wrong. and from that i can learn. but it's exhausting to wrestle w/these memories until i'm so exhausted i fall asleep or my alarm finally goes off and makes me get up.
i think i need to start playing sports. i need an outlet. something to help me focus & if i'm lucky, get a little more energy.
i guess in the end, the only way to get past all this is to remember we're all human. use these mistakes as a learning experience and do better next time. that's something i'm gonna hafta learn. i've always been ok w/everybody else being human, but i always expected of myself to be perfect. not mess up. i know that's unrealistic and stupid, but there it is. i guess i still have a lot to learn.

coffee, dreams, and other things...

WOW! i can't believe it's been almost 9 months since i wrote in this thing. well, then again, i guess i can....it's been a crazy busy year, but definately a good one.

so i'm officially a college grad! i'm very proud of that....not in an arrogant way, but in the "it's taken me 4 1/2 yrs and 3 colleges to get me here" kind of way. but i wouldn't change a step along the way. i wouldn't trade my time @ app or charlotte for getting into this field sooner. i love it and i love where i am now, but it's been more about the journey than the destination. but i'm really thankful about where i ended up. i love working with people and helping in the process of getting them better. whether it's with vaccines, giving them medicine, or clearing the wax out of their ears. :-P i was fortunate enough to get hired on the last day of internship, so i have a wonderful job to look forward to on monday. to be honest, i'm a little scared. i'm crossing the line between student and professional. and it's a weird line because expert isn't included in professional for me yet. but i want to be good at what i do. i want to do everything right. but i know that i'm not perfect and that from time to time, i will make mistakes. i just hope that i will have the strength and the humility to admit these mistakes. for now, i'm just gonna do my best. it might not be perfect, but it's all i can do.

on a sad note, i'll have to quit my job at michaels soon. this is gonna be hard. they just trained me in something that i really enjoy and doesn't require too much energy, but i'll have to work some weekends at my new job and i won't have time or energy for both. i've really enjoyed working there and i've loved what i've gotten to do. but i am not the energizer bunny, no matter how much i want to be. it's gonna be really hard not seeing my friends there. the passed year has been long and exhausting, but it's been so much fun.

anyways....coffee time...i hope everyone is doing well!

so tired, but so happy

so, yet again, it's been awhile since i've updated. i've been busy though...
so what's new?

hmm...well, i'm in the middle of my 5th term and it's going pretty well. i'm not so crazy about billing and coding. it's not that it's really hard...it's just incredibly boring. but there's only 2 more wks, so i can deal with it. law and ethics has been pretty great. we watch house almost every class and talk about his illegal or unethical actions. haha. we've also watched 2 movies, that i highly recommend (miss evers' boys and gattica). most of the stuff in there is pretty straight forward and all, so it's been nice.

work has been going pretty well lately. i did 2 b-day parties a couple wks ago and i had a blast. it's been awhile since i've spent time with kids, so i'm a bit rusty, but it was so much fun! the first party was w/11 yr olds, which i've gotta admit, is kinda intimidating. i don't know why pre-teen girls are so scary, but they are. they were pretty nice though, so it was fun. the 2nd party was w/ 3 yr olds. by far, my favorite age group. i love kids at that age bc they're so talkative and they say the craziest things. and these kids were well behaved, so i loved them even more.
i'm also doing kids club on saturdays. basically, every sat for 2 hrs, kids can come and do a craft for $2. that's been pretty fun and def a nice contrast to spending time w/ adults all day.
this past wk, they've been training me to be the front end supervisor. it's gone pretty well so far. it's kinda nice having a little more responsibility. i love all that i'm getting to do at work, bc it's all stretching me and growing me. 2 yrs ago, i never would've believed i was capable of going to school, working, being a supervisor, working with kids alot, and keeping it all together. but somehow, i'm doing it. and i don't mean that in a bragging sort of way. i know it's not all about me and what i can do. it takes team work at work to make everything run smoothly. and now, i will brag: we have an amazing team. everybody at michaels is ridiculously fun to work with. i couldn't ask for a better job for where i am now. i love it.

so i can't really think of anything else that's new and i really need to get my hw done, so night kids...sweet dreams....

annoyed...

so i'm really frustrated bc what i want to write is either too personal or too pessimistic...grr...

however, work is going well. they're starting to train me to work in the framing department. it should be fun, but learning something new is usually kinda...for lack of a better word, scary, for me. but after talking to one of the guys that works back there, i feel a little more at ease.

let's see...school's going pretty well. this term, i have medical office procedures and a&p2. med. office procedures is kinda fun, but a little crazy. we're having to do these simulations and keep it all straight, which would probly be fine if we just took notes and did the paperwork after that. but since we get to leave as soon as we finish, we're trying to do it all and finish as quickly as possible. otherwise, though, it's alot of fun. i've had the prof before and she's pretty cool. a&p2 is going better than i expected. though i had my doubts, it's actually worked out best to have the same prof for 1 & 2. and she's being a little nicer this term, so that's cool.

so yea...i wanna write more, but this will have to do for now. i wish i could say what i want to say, but i'm learning that you can't just say whatever's on your mind.

anyways, i hope you guys are doin well!

ugh....

so i was gettin really good at this updating thing and then...classes, work, and life in general got in the way. but mostly, i never know where to start when updating. i have the same problem with papers and just about everything else in my life. so let's see, what's new?

well, i'm done with my 3rd term @ ECPI. time really flies when it comes to classes. i thought this past term would last forever, but thankfully it didn't. i mean, classes were fine, but after 15 wks straight of going to school with only a long wkend break for thanksgiving, it's nice to have some more time off. i really liked my communications class though. i had always been terrified of the inevitable communications class that i'd have to take, but it actually went really well and i learned alot. i made sure i went first on every delivery project or speech that i could. i think that's part of what made presentations or projects so bad before- i'd have to sit through half the class before i was forced to go up and by then i was a pile of nerves. another part of my nervousness came from not being prepared. i've always been fond of my aibility to wing it, but when i did that, there was always a ton of stuff that i left out bc i was nervous. but i learned that by having something as simple as an outline can help tons. i still got to wing a good deal of what i said (which was great, bc i hate just reading papers or speeches-it sounds too unemotional), but i had the organization and knowledge to get a good grade in the process.

my other class, anatomy & phys, went pretty well. there were some things that could've been improved, but overall it was a pretty good class. we had to give a presentation on the last day. one of my friends and i gave ours on inflammatory breast cancer and it went really well. we ended up getting an A, which i'm really proud of bc we worked really hard on this presentation. i love getting good grades on things i've worked hard on. it's even better than getting good grades on things i didn't really work on bc then i know i earned it. i think that's one of the lessons that ECPI has really taught me- what i put into something is what i'll get out of it. i could only go to class when i feel like it and do hw and projects only when i feel like it, but i'd get nothing out of it. i'm really trying to put alot of effort and work into my classes and program bc i want to get the most out of it that i can.

so now that christmas is over, it's really weird at michaels. i've been used to the constant rush and craziness that's been going on pretty much since i started working there, but now it's mostly gone. hopefully this will mean less glitter all over me when i get home. although one of the greatest parts, so far, has been waking up the next morning and finding glitter in my hair. we've been getting in our spring and valentines stuff though and that's kinda fun.

anyways, i'd better get off here...i hope everyone's doing well though!

Wow! i'm gettin good at this updating thing :-P

hey kids! sheesh, i think i'm starting to get the hang out this updating thing. hmm...so what's new?

i just started my 3rd term @ ECPI. my new classes are communications (aka public speaking) and anatomy and physiology. my communications class looks like it's gonna be pretty fun. it'll be a good amount of work, but if i put in the effort, i know it'll be worth the outcome. it's weird....ever since i started at ECPI, i've come to realize that i like making presentations and speaking in front of class. don't get me wrong, i still don't remember everything i wanna say, but i actually like being up there. it's kinda fun...that rush. hopefully my comm. class will help me with the remebering everything i wanna say thing. i have high hopes.

my other class, anatomy and phys, is kinda blah. i guess it's just the first chapter, which is alot of review from medical terminology, but i'm ready for the fun stuff....like learning how diseases work and all that stuff. we just covered cells today and it feels like it'll take forever till we get to the fun stuff. luckily, we have a project where we have to give a presentation ( :-D) about a disesase, surgical procedure, or something else. i just heard about this aggressive type of breast cancer on the news last night and i'm thinking of researching that. it seems pretty relevant and i wanna know more about this cancer bc it's seen more in younger women. my prof is different from most of the ones i've come into contact with at ECPI, but i'm determined to do my best and get the most out of this course even if i have to teach myself everything in the book.

so for some reason, this term seems different. i guess the newness of the school has worn off a little and i'm just getting used to everything, but it's weird. i mean, something as little as having a class in the other side of the hall for the first time makes it feel weird and different. i know it probably doesn't make sense, but whatever. there's just something about it that i can't put my finger on. hmmm...

anyways....what else? o yea, thanksgiving break is coming up. woohoo! it'll be nice to be off school 2 more days. and i only have to work 2 days next wk. and yes, i'm working the day after thanksgiving. it's gonna be a madhouse there. and i'm working til close, which means returns galore. o well, i think we're gonna have a good amount of staff there, so hopefully it won't be too bad.

well, my mind's been wandering for about the last 5 min, so it's probly sleepy time. i hope everybody's doing well and i love hearing from you guys! have a great rest of the wk ya'll!

"we bend but we don't break"

So many roads we're left to take
So much history to make
We bend but we don't break

there's a little excerpt for any shedaisy fans.

so not a whole lot's gone on since my last post, but i just felt like another post. (which is probly inspired by my desire to procrastinate on my paper that's due tomorrow, but hey...there's time :-P welp...hmm...

work's still goin pretty well. actually, really well. i mean, nothing really big is happening there, but i'm loving it. i love working in a craft store. whenever i have to do recovery and returns, i just start looking at everything in my aisles and thinking of fun stuff i could do with it. my favorite aisles are the wood aisle and what i like to call the "africa aisle". i love painting wooden things. it doesn't matter what it is. it could be a little wooden pig ornament and i would love painting. but i really wanna get one of the birdhouses and decorate it. the "africa aisle" is fun too. i call it that bc it has all these home decoration thingies that either have elephants or leopard print, dark wood, or whatever on them. i love it bc everytime i walk through it, i think that chelsea would love that aisle and it makes me smile. plus, the stuff in that aisle is really cool and beautiful. in general, i just love walking around the store. it's such a fun place to work and everyone's so nice there. or at least sarcastic. if i didn't have school and hw i would seriously wanna spend more time there.

so we start a new term a week from tomorrow and i'm pretty excited. i'll have anatomy & physiology and communications. i know it's gonna be alot of work, but i've been getting used to that with medical terminology. plus, in anatomy & phys. we get to learn some of the whys about things. that should be interesting. but this term (as with the first one) has just flown by. i'm glad that terms are this short and compact bc i know that i can handle the intake of info. in fact, i'm thriving on it. i got kinda bored before when semesters were so drawn out. i mean, i'd have 5 classes at once, but it just took so long to get through them. this way, we cover the information and learn it, but we get through it. i'm really loving that. and we'll remember it bc all our other classes build on the classes we've had before. i'm just glad that my clinicals aren't til a little later though bc i'm not really to draw blood yet. i know it'll be fine once i start doing it, but i'm just glad it's not right now. i think the only downfall for the program going so quickly is that sometimes i don't feel like i have time to just hang out and take a break. i mean, i do anyways. but some days i wish we'd have a wk off or something. it's ok though...christmas break is coming up and will be here before i know it. i mean, it's already november. where'd that come from?

so i went to boone this past wkend. it was so great to be up there again. i miss boone and everyone up there so much. the drive up is always so beautiful and relaxing. the leaves are turning so the lookouts were incredibly beautiful. it was so good to get to hang out with everybody and have some good talks and good times. we didn't do anything big or whatever, but i love it when we just hang out and talk. it makes me wanna move back up there. :-)

so this wk, i've got 1 presentation on a paper i have to write, 1 test, and 2 finals. then i'll be starting new classes. well, i'd better get back to the paper, i've procrastinated long enough. i hope everyone's doing well! i'd love to hear from ya!

-shan